Whose Gift is it Anyway?

 

Gift-giving should be an Olympic sport, I think. It requires a similar level of training, practice and dedication to get just the right present. Honestly, it’s hard work. We use ourselves as models, thinking: “I’d love this…so, of course he will too.”  But sometimes we empathize a tad too much and end up with an ‘US’ gift.  

 

The US Gift

 

What’s that? It’s a gift that’s meant for your sweetheart that you share, too. For example, an old boyfriend of mine presented me with some very luxurious French lingerie for Valentine’s Day. Really gorgeous stuff with lace and not much else.

 

While I appreciated the sexy gift, it made me wonder just how well he knew me. (I’m strictly a flannel woman from December to April). Seemed to me the gift was obviously for him. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, if you know what I mean, but it wasn’t exactly selfless either. Gifts should be selfless, given without expectation or obligation. At least that’s what my Dad used to always say and I agree.

 

How to Avoid the US gift

 

The best way to avoid giving an US gift is to focus exclusively on your partner's interests. Remember, it’s not what you want, it’s what she wants that matters. Listen to her daily conversation more closely.

 

Slipped in between the pass-the-cereal and goodnight sweetheart is a treasure trove of clues for you about gifts he desires. Did he mention that he wanted to read that bestseller advertised in the paper? Or, maybe you caught her gazing longingly at a local knitting store and reminiscing about the projects of her youth. Take notice, and then casually ask questions to get more specifics. Do it right and your gift will be considered thoughtful and sweet.

 

Repackaging an US gift

 

Don’t despair if you’ve already gotten that US gift. You can repackage it. Change it in some significant way that puts the focus squarely on the recipient. A friend of mine with small children recently planned a long overdue romantic weekend away for herself and her husband at a posh spa resort. It was a good intentioned US gift. To correct her mistake, my friend arranged for her husband to drive separately. He spent the first day there alone enjoying a round of spa treatments. She joined him the next day. He felt special and they both enjoyed the trip.

 

My mom used to say it’s not the gift that matters; it’s the thought that counts. I agree, especially if the thought says: I picked this gift only for you.

 

 Written by Dina Beach Lynch - 2/04